Love Song

First Love, You are number one in terms of position
Of all the attractions and ambitions I have
First Love, You are my motivation and start of each morning
And conclusion at the end of every day

You gave me breath and You're still giving breaths in our present day
How sweet and wonderful it is to finally put a finger on
The fact that You were the One
Who imagined and spoke me into being

Sweet Love, heavenly joy is mine on earth
Because You pursued me, and I found You
Sweet Love, there's none other of Your worth to me

My will in Yours and Yours mine
That's all that matters to me now
Hearts awakened and lives returning to
Where they belong
You, First Love, are theirs too
Till 'Sweet Love' they know and call You too

Precious Love, may I never take You for granted
May I only learn to love You more
As I grow to have the full measure of the knowledge of You
As I become more and more
Like You

Jesus I love You

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

None else can take Your place. There is no equal. I revisited the cross and the tomb as though I was ever there before and understood again what I was responsible for. Lord, thank You. I'll never know what it was like, to what lengths You went for me. It's beyond me, and I'll never know. But with what I have that You've given me, I give it back to You as a tribute. Yes, my life as a tribute to You, how absurd it even sounds.

Thank You for loving me.

I look up to you

She's like a mother to me when she tells me stories of her own experiences. I learn about the values she holds dear through the things she says and I appreciate the person that she is. She's a woman of beauty.

I pray this child will find her Father's arms. Open and guide the eyes of her heart to Him, until she knows that she's unfathomably loved, wanted and treasured by Him from the very beginning to eternity. In the almighty name of Jesus, amen.

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know You
--- C.S Lewis Song, Brooke Fraser

My mind's a mass of thoughts, an open sea. What's prevailing amongst them all though?
I'm thinking of how I could read, inquire and meditate more and subsequently know and understand more about the times I live in. More. I feel gently nudged towards more. I feel an internal desire gently brewing, urging me, making me want more.
Maybe the lion in me is at long last awakening. I don't care for much anymore when compared to being all I can be for You, to seeing what You see, grasping a little more of what You think and feel and who exactly You are, to declaring and seeing Your total rule enforced on earth as it is in heaven.
I wanna see You
Wanna know You for You
Wanna burn, burn
Blaze for You

Paths

Running alongside each other...
I don't see that anymore. I tried to see it before, tried to make out where we were each running, the paths that we were taking. But what could be seen was a blurred vision, something somewhat impossible to decipher by a mere individual - human, too.
I then concluded that what God had already shown and spoken to me was enough. And faith was required for the walk. So I walked, and I became free, freer, from the expectations of others and having my own expectations.
Now all I see, Daddy... is none other than just You.
Everything literally fades out when my eyes are on You.
I believe, even if I don't see. I believe, without a doubt, that You have given me the best.
I believe we're going to fully glorify You in the grandest, highest, and most intimate of ways. You are my only path. And I rest in that You are his too.

I just pray that many more will walk this way for You are our destination.

Come now where no eye has seen
No ear has heard
No mind can conceive
Your Kingdom come
And forever reign

Dreams. They speak to me and give me perspective, insight and assurance as to what I am going through, what is still undealt with in me, or what I'm heading towards.

Take nothing for granted. We are being pursued by our Maker. He speaks to us in everything we experience. We are being divinely led and guided into a safe, glorious and perfect place. Every single time.

Conflict

Sometimes I wonder if I'm abnormal - I ask all the introspective questions that sound really self-centred, self-absorbed, self-pitying, so, so, so very... small. But I genuinely feel like all the arrows are pointed at me. I feel stifled, and insignificant because I can't measure up.
And why do others measure up? Did they ever crumble like me? Why didn't they just crumble and stop the chase? Why did they eventually achieve what they thought they couldn't and didn't want in the first place?
Could I just be myself? Could I have my way? Could my way really be that far from God's way? Then why is your way nearer to God's way?
Help me understand and see, once again. Why am I in this race? Wait, which race am I in? Help me see... Father. Is this race the same race You told me to run?

Pondering you

I wouldn't be the same without you
I wouldn't be the same without you
I couldn't replicate your touch or
Love anyone again this much
I wouldn't be the same
Without you...

Arise!

Have you ever felt that when expectations are placed on you by a few good people, especially the closer ones, the ones you love or those you respect and look up to, the more you'd shun from and reject rising to and fulfilling them?
I'm keenly acquainted to that.
They said that they regarded me as someone examplary of this and that virtue, such and such of a godly sister, woman, and I just somehow tried my best to believe, and I couldn't. I thought I did because I agreed with them that that was what I want to be. They were all stemmed from good intentions, godly intentions, and I know it is God's will for me - well 'cos God wants me to take after Him of course. But the years went on, I doubted myself, doubted their hearts, doubted if I was not someone they wanted me to become that they'd love me less. Deep inside, I doubted God. Didn't I? That He could not change me 'cos I am too much for Him, I'm too stubborn and self-centred, I take too long, too troublesome.
A little by little, I understood myself, what I was actually doing beneath it all. Take away so-called struggle with others' expectations and struggle with believing in myself, fool. This had to do with godliness, spiritual maturity, being a giant in the land: all God's speaking into my life through others.
So although it seems peculiarly artistic and romantic in that self-absorption of understanding myself and protecting my individualism such that expectations of those I hold dear and revere upset and repulsed me, it is foolishness. Plain crass! To trade your birthright for a bowl of lentil soup? Bleah!
Now, now, God, the ever patient God, wonderful amazing awesome God! For all that time, He has waited to say, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with Me..."
I want His plan. I want my life written by Him. I want Him to smile and I want Him to dance, just at the thought of me, and when He writes my life story. Because He knows I am His whole-heartedly.
So, expectations, what's your deal? I'll recognise if you're black or white, and even if you were grey. I'll channel my emotions right, 'cos I'm the boss of them, and it won't go devil's way.

I like to close my eyes all throughout times of singing worship to God. He's so captivating.
Then when I started leading worship, I realised I needed to open my eyes at intervals to see what is happening with the rest of the worshippers. Not so that I can boost my ego like I used to think its purpose was (how naive younger Sharon was it tickles me), but because I am in some way in between as I minister to God as well as beckoning others to do likewise.
Through the years, I have seen weariness, emptiness, lostness, sadness, absent-ness, cynicism, unbelief etc., in many people, whether it was shown through body language, on their faces or in their eyes. I'd try to surmise and figure out why they looked this or that way when they worshipped Daddy. I'd assess myself: Did I lead well? Did I not follow You? Did I exalt myself instead?
Then if I had peace and He smiles, nothing else mattered. Answers would come streaming in, and I would have compassion on those I saw that was not my own.
Those answers opened up a new world for me to understand, like an extension to my spectrum of emotions. I went through stuff and I know what it's like to not be able to connect with a song when my heart is doubtful of God. I know what it's like to stare blankly at the worship leader and wonder what I was supposed to do, where he/ she was leading us to and if I wanted to follow.
Agonising, that's all I can describe of such times.
I thought, hey, I finally know what it feels like and to be one of those who just stand and stare and sing short of 'whole-heartedness'. It felt good to be able to then fully empathise, and it felt momentarily powerful to allow myself to lag behind and decide that I was not gonna follow the full way. Sorry, 'trap', it says. It was stupidly self-inflicting. Stupidly stupid.
And maybe some people have to go through that in order to find that out. But maybe some are still caught in that trap.
The truth is this: I am His handiwork, His workmanship; simply put, I am created by Him. I am His child. I am royalty; He is King, I am His daughter. I am made for eternity with Him. I am made to be holy as He is holy. I am made to enjoy Him for He is perfection. He is not narcissistic, only honest, and supremely kind, that He would lead us to Himself, beauty Himself. Therefore I worship Him because that is being the truest to myself, agreeing with all of heaven that I am His created, He is my Creator; that I am His beloved and He is mine; I am His daughter, His beauty reflected. I AM WHO HE SAYS I AM.
What right does the clay have to think and formulate doubts and contest the Potter? Say to the Potter that it is meant to collect dust in the backyard when the Potter has made it for containment of premium soil to grow flowers? C'mon, clay. You're clay. Potter knows best.
Let doubts lead us to finding out the truth. Let doubts be answered by His sacrifice. Let doubts be replaced by faith. And check out what faith really means. "Seeing is believing" is what frail men settle for as an excuse for inadequacy. Same goes for 'feeling' if I replace it with 'seeing'. Strong men acknowledge their inadequacy and choose faith in the One greater than them.

May worship of You permeate our hearts and become our lifestyle.
May all that is in me worship You! We are only ourselves then. :)

God: infallible

We were made to desire perfection. I see glimpses of it every day in the strangers I pass by and in the pretty things we create. These glimpses make us step in their direction. We pursue them in thought, first, second, and third. Sometimes with a long gaze too.
You, God, do not have mere glimpses of perfection, You are perfection. To have and to hold You is all every soul wishes for, whether we know it or not.
Count me blessed, that I know, and I pursue in kind manner that You have, You above all that I have come to love and know. We fit like jigsaw pieces with edge touching edge, uncontrived, with spaces none to overcome. There is no space. Nothing is in between, and it is what frees me.

thought on relationships

A girl should not manipulate a boy by displaying emotional breakdowns, expressing petty disapprovals, threatening with break-ups or issuing ultimatums, whining with charm and wearing too little, to an end of getting what she wants.
A boy should not manipulate a girl by sweet-talking, splurging on gifts, making demands in the name of love, and making empty promises, to an end of getting what he wants.
Because more often than not, our wants are selfish. They are only centred on a single person on the planet called I. They don't take into account the big picture. They have varying power to take away happiness from one or more people. They could cause irreversible damage.
A girl desires love and the intimacy that comes with love. She thinks she loves, because she loves passionately and regardless of flaw. But in loving passionately, she may fail to respect. She disrespects the boy when she does what she should not, when she disregards his feelings often a world of difference from hers. She must know, surely she must know, that love is finely girded with respect. Love falls headlong into nothing, falls apart to a disarray, when respect is frail or even absent.
She must consider the boy's situation, his person, his reputation, his heart, his life. If she does, she should further consider others who are linked to the relationship. She should think and act towards their best interests. She should seek wisdom, possess and wield it, for the goodness of all. She should have heart and believe the best in him. She should believe, not fear.

Today, I'll just talk about the girl. She needs to learn, or she'll never bloom.
I'll leave the boy alone for now.

You Never Walk Alone

It's a family club. :D

"There is a spiritual diet without which no Christian can be strong and healthy and fruitful. And that is a diet of the word of God."
John Piper

How much wisdom is in that statement. Though I don't know this man personally. He's an anointed servant of God whom I very much look up to and am mentored by through his books and teachings. There is such a reverence for God in him that I'd only learn to have.

Thank you Pastor John. You have taught me the one thing that's truly needed.

"Teach [me] to make the most of [my] time, so that [I] may grow in wisdom."
My prayer, quite often, is this. I'm just passing by, so I hope to make the most out of my time here loving people and letting them know that. Eventually so that they may know the love of our heavenly Father, whose love is an anchor through whatever difficulty of any magnitude. To have that in perspective, it's grave. But it's good.

the lion city

Cambodia teaches me to love my own country. It's funny how the affections for a foreign place could ignite a deeper wealth of emotions for where I was born and raised. There's a kind of pride that everyone possesses for their nation. It commends and honours the people, culture, government, laws and so on. And it gives honour to people of other nationalities as well. I believe that if we don't love our country, criticise and loathe our fellow countrymen, we can't begin to love people of other origins.
Loving Cambodia by praying for them, ministering to the locals and embracing the physical conditions, I questioned myself if I do that for Singapore. I should be doing the same, if not doubly so. Over the years, God made me see how essential Singapore is to me simply because I am Singaporean; my destiny is linked with hers. She is a beautiful city, and a representation of His power. I wanna love my country even more this year.

my bread

It was easier to have longer, isolated time with God when I was younger. I could go for extended afternoon runs and I'd worship, talk and pray. It became a very regular thing to the point when I'd run everyday. Running was my rendezvous with Him.
It still is. The regularity and quality of it however has taken a dip and I've known it for a while. Times when I'd reminisce, I'd cry. I think I've romanticised God to some extent, but all I can say is romance with God is as real a romance as any can get. I love Daddy, my Father.
I can either love Him only as much as I did, or more and more and more. This is my reminder from Pastor John Piper: He is my daily bread. I cannot go on without Him entering and surrounding my every morning, every night. Now that I'm older with possibly more to think of and accomplish, I want to strengthen this bond at all cost, not let it weaken.

Do not labour for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you. For on him God the Father has set his seal.” Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent." -------- John 6:27-29

to you with love

Remember how you used to dedicate your blog segments to certain people especially on their birthdays? Here's one from me :)

Firstly, thank God for you! Getting to know you and who you are deep down has been such a blessing to me 'cos you're so beautiful as a person, strengths and flaws. You exude a warmth that comforts me and tells me your heart is open to know and there are no barriers up to restrict and wear me out from pursuing this friendship- thank you. You're a raw example of someone who's kept her heart tender and childlike, something I admire a lot, and we both know how important that is, how often it is threatened. So on this birthday, I especially celebrate that with you. You're definitely someone I wanna be standing beside with when He comes. :) Praise God for His abounding love and grace in your life, so evident. Love you dearly..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST JOETTE *hugs*

"Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be in the will of God." - Jim Elliot

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realise just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.